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Solving Issues before Divorce in New Mexico – because once upon a time you loved each other.

Couple Working Out Problems

You married for a reason. Surely you want to give your marriage ever chance before the final steps of a divorce?

Let’s look at possible steps to take to try and work out these issues before contacting a divorce lawyer – and at least you will be much better prepared to make best use of legal advice if you have worked on this together!

Of course, your first step might be to find professional help by seeing a marriage counselor. A third party often brings some sanity into otherwise passionate, and sometimes painful disagreements.
Many counselors might even use these same steps to bring fresh looks to old problems.

Step # 1. Define each issue.

The key is this first step is to logically define the problem so that each party might find agreement in how to best address it. Be very specific and non-accusatory. For instance – instead of blaming a partner for never helping around the house, make a list of exactly what would be acceptable to you. Do this for every item that creates problems (both of you!)

Step #2. Communicate.

If you have not yet done so, communicate your feelings honestly. It is probably too late at this point to worry about hurting someone’s’ feelings. There is no point in judgment or blame here – it is simply a way to let others know how you feel. The opposite side of the coin is that you must listen to what your spouse does not particularly like about you!

Common sense says that there is no solution possible if both spouses aren’t willing to accept and acknowledge that they both play a role in the problems.

Step # 3. Dig deep.

Another communication issue is to ask questions of one another. Possible questions might include:

• What are possible solutions that would work for both of us?
• Can we attend a class, find a book, or find professional help?

One of the keys is to give your best effort to find solutions. More than likely one (and probably both) of the spouses will have to move out of a comfort zone to make this work. Find some common ground and agree to help.

Step #4. Evaluate

If you can find common ground, and if you can agree on possible solutions to resolve your issues, agree to an evaluation of whether or not it is working for both of you. A suggestion is to set goals (with a time frame) to reach, and then set a time for evaluation to decide whether those goals are being reached. Are you or both of you feeling better about the situation? Can you start back at the top and go through the process again and improve the solution? Agree to start work on another issue?

Step #5. Measure results.

If you both care enough to invest in this process you should be seeing results. At minimum you should be able to more dispassionately agree that reconciliation is not possible. Although one outcome might be better than the other, at least you are making progress. With luck, your solution worked and your marriage is back on track.

To get to the stage requiring these steps probably means that this will not be easy – nor quickly resolved. More than likely these issues have been festering for a long time and as such will take serious work and time to repair.

As long as there is forward movement keep at it!

And if you find that there is no progress (or even backwards progress!) then call someone who is experienced and professional. Don Harris at New Mexico Financial Law can help.


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