Why Planning for a Divorce Can Save Your Marriage

For most families, divorce is a measure of last resort. Many couples filing for divorce often do so after spending significant amounts of time and money trying to save their marriage in couples’ counseling, legal advice, and hours and hours of tough conversations. 

At the end of the day, divorce may represent the best option for some families, but for other families, divorce can sometimes be avoided. You may be surprised to learn that the legal process of divorce itself can actually assist some couples in saving their marriages. 

An experienced New Mexico divorce attorney recognizes that the divorce process can sometimes result in reconciliation, and for that reason, you should not hesitate to consult an attorney if you are considering a divorce. 

Divorce is a Long-Term Solution 

In some cases, couples reach the conclusion that they should separate in response to short-term issues plaguing their relationship. Often, tensions peak in a relationship due to singular incidents, such as infidelity, financial problems, or major life changes. 

While it may be true that these incidents can expose deeper problems in the relationship, it is equally important that a couple should be totally and completely sure that they desire to be permanently separated before their divorce becomes final. In other words, divorce is a long-term solution that should never be used to solve short-term problems. 

Thankfully, the divorce process in New Mexico recognizes divorce’s long-term nature. 

A Legal Divorce Is an Objective Process 

The divorce process is a much more objective fact-based process that many couples find much easier than the hours of emotional laboring they’ve spent working on their relationship. Sometimes, that objectivity leads couples to abandon the idea of divorce altogether. 

The following is a list of topics that arise during a divorce proceeding that may lead couples to reconcile their relationship:

1. Taking an objective inventory of emotions and feelings

The conversations in the weeks and months leading up to the filing of a divorce petition are oftentimes painful, emotional, and very charged. As previously mentioned, in some cases, a divorce arises due to short-term incidents that may expose bigger issues under the surface. 

Woman’s Day magazine recently published an article highlighting advice provided by marriage counselors that the counselors believed to be most effective in preventing and stopping a divorce. The first three steps involve accepting your partner’s feelings, validating your partner’s feelings, and examining those feelings with an objective viewpoint versus a reactive one. 

When looking at your emotions and feelings on paper in a divorce proceeding, couples are further removed from those emotions than they were during the conversations that led to the decision to divorce. Sometimes, that distance enables them to see things through a more objective lens and realize that their own feelings may not have been warranted or may not have been proportional to the issue. 

In other words, the divorce process itself includes some of the steps that Woman’s Day says may be the most effective at preventing divorce from occurring. 

2. Cooperation becomes necessary at the last minute 

Sometimes, spouses may be unwilling to cooperate with each other until they realize the high stakes that are at hand. When a divorce proceeding is actually filed, attorneys start discussing concrete material aspects touching upon every moment of daily life. By deliberatively working through concerns like how to divide property, how to handle child custody, alimony payments, child support payments, and all of the complexities that come with divorce, spouses may realize exactly what is at stake and where their current efforts as a couple may fall short. From this perspective, they may for the first time in years realize that they could be able to work things out. 

In New Mexico, the law encourages a cooperative divorce process to the fullest extent possible, reserving divorce trials for severe and irreconcilable situations. Additionally, according to the American Psychological Association, cooperation and communication are two of the most important aspects of ensuring that divorces occur in a healthy and productive manner. 

Thus, even if cooperation doesn’t lead to getting back together, cooperation is still worth pursuing, as it can make the process smoother for all parties involved. 

3. Separating long-term needs from instant gratification 

Even though divorce is a long-term solution, some couples use divorce as a source of instant gratification, throwing their hands in the air and saying “I’m done.” Many divorce cases exist where the relationship is truly unhealthy, and the divorce arises from a “straw breaking the camel’s back” moment. 

But in other cases, the marriage itself can become a target of criticism and dissatisfaction when there are other factors at play, such as unresolved resentment or jealousy. In those cases, the feeling of a spouse growing is actually a form of projection. Because the divorce process forces couples to examine their marriage in detail — emotionally, financially, and personally — the process can sometimes lead couples to work through their unresolved issues. 

Reach Out to a New Mexico Divorce Attorney

For all of the above reasons, you should not hesitate to contact a New Mexico divorce attorney when considering filing for divorce. Engaging with the legal process has a way of making things plain and taking the emotion out of a very serious and important consideration.

Call (505) 503-1637 or contact us online to schedule a consultation with a New Mexico divorce attorney today.

• [Note to the writer: this topic is a biiiiiiit of a stretch. We can write to the wisdom in the headline but also point out that every situation is different and NONE of this may apply to your divorce case e.g. “it may be the case that divorce is very much in everyone’s best interests, including the children’s”]
• Some possible talking points:
  • Take inventory of your emotional feelings and how it impacts your day-to-day
    • https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a54567/how-to-stop-a-divorce/
  • Take inventory of your life conditions, including your finances and schedule, and lay bare how a divorce might impact those
    • Shouldn’t feel tethered by convenience, but you may realize that your life would change for the worse and that you value things like your shared schedule together, the ability to pool resources, etc.
  • Begin cooperating with high stakes involved
    • Divorces in NM are encouraged to be non-adversarial; court wants you to at least try cooperating to reach a single agreement before resorting to hearings and requesting a judgment
    • https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce-child-custody/healthy
  • Separate long-term personal needs from instant gratification
    • There are many MANY cases where a relationship is unhealthy and potentially damaging to those within it if issues aren’t addressed
    • At the same time, there are cases where the marriage itself becomes the target of criticism and dissatisfaction when there are other things at play (a form of projection)
    • Divorce often forces people to ask questions about themselves, their values, their lifestyle, and their long-term intentions that can lead to healthy growth, sometimes without the divorce going through
    • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/raising-happiness/201203/is-divorce-immature-and-selfish
• Feel free to add your own thoughts or hypotheses, etc. I know this topic is a bit out there and not technically a legal topic, but there are some merits to the idea.
• Call (505) 503-1637 or contact us online to schedule a consultation with a New Mexico divorce attorney.